Asskissers Anonymous

     Call them asskissers, brown noses, or suck-ups, we’ve all known them. We’ve all recognized them in their various ways of pretending in order to get ahead in the world. These incarnations of fakers may seem like the most innocuous, but their presence is noxious to me.

     In my experience, I’ve noticed that these people, in general, are much less likely to treat you like a human being if you have nothing to offer them. They’ll treat you like shit because, hey, you can’t pay them, you can’t fire them, you can’t put their names up in lights, so what do you matter? They are only interested in those who are in positions of some kind of power. Asskissers are the most likely to have weak personal relationships, as their energy is dedicated to faking friendships with “the power people.” You can recognize an asskisser by the way they disregard you when you have no power over them. They circle around the “alpha wolves” of their cliques, whether their clique exists in a job environment, or in another kind of social strata. Comedians suck up to promoters or more successful comedians, hoping to get booked for a show; musicians suck up to record executives hoping to land a deal; employees suck up to their bosses, hoping to get a raise; on and on, in every type of social circle.

     Asskissers see their actions as harmless, as their actions don’t cause obvious, immediate damage to those around them. It is my opinion, however, that asskissers may not be the worst plague in society, but their actions promote “fakeness” in general. If it “hurts no one,” as these asskissers claim and believe, then why should you tell the truth to someone’s face? Why can’t we just pretend to be everyone’s friend?

     This is a breach of trust, and once you know about it, it makes you suspicious. Maybe you’ve had an acquaintance who claimed to be your friend, who you were always kind to out of the goodness of your heart, only to find them talking shit about you behind your back. Maybe when you tried to approach them as a friend, they rebuked you. This is because you have nothing to offer them: Neither money, status or opportunity. You’re just a person, not a boss or patron. I have had this happen to me in devastating ways, multiple times, and has led to me being very distrustful of people, and has made me think twice about befriending anyone. How do I know they are sincere and won’t stab me in the back? The sad thing is, you don’t know until it is too late.

     Asskissers are basically shitting all over society. While they do not destroy it, they have promoted breaches of trust, and advertise this as the best way to get by in life. If you call them out on it, they’ll either deny it all together, or insist that their actions are harming no one. I can’t trust people like this. I’ve seen bosses ask their employees to spy on their own co-workers, and these employees not even question their actions before complying, even when they know it’s wrong. It may lift you up in the minds of your paranoid bosses, but you are breaching your co-worker’s trust. You may pretend to be a true friend to someone’s face, then tell someone else about all the person’s flaws, and mock them behind their back.

     It’s a vicious cycle of betrayal, suspicion and unbreakable walls being built. I have never gone back to trusting someone once I know they are a snake in the grass: It’s even worse, because all of the people who betrayed me, I approached in an earnest attempt to be a real friend. I have not found a solution to dealing with these people, other than avoiding them for life and ceasing my trust of most everyone around me. I don’t know how to convince these people that they are harming themselves, the people they suck up to, and all the people around them by behaving this way. They are self-centered, and always have themselves convinced that it’s a harmless action. They may even delude themselves into thinking that they do like the people they pretend to like: However, it is all a plastic facade, which gives off toxic fumes.

     Try your best not to inhale.


300 & 2 1/2

     Quick one here.

     I saw both 300 movies for the first time today. Some things I would like you to consider, if you have seen one or both of them:

1) Did the sex scene in either part add anything to the story?

2) Did Gorgo offering herself sexually to the politician benefit the story? Or would it have been more interesting for Gorgo to have thought the situation through more clearly, known that she would ultimately be betrayed, and formulate a much more clever plan with her intellect (like the men in the movies) and ultimately reached the same conclusion that she arrived at anyway, without allowing herself to be sexually abused? Wouldn’t that have made her character stronger?

3) What were Artemisia’s motivations? How did they change throughout the movie?

4) Is Artemisia more abuser, or victim?

5) Who was the real villain of the story?

     That is all. For your consideration.

Introduction to the Unfamous Eden H

     Hello, all.

     Right now I am sitting with my sister, watching an old documentary on transorbital lobotomy. This is a good metaphor for the kinds of things you will, in the future, see on this blog. My writings will not always be sane, they will not always be coherent, important, brilliant or politically correct, but they will always be unusual, and that, I think, is of particular importance.

     In a world where so much of media is a copy of an imitation (to copy the great Marilyn Manson), uniqueness is particularly special. It is important, for anyone who wants to call themselves an artist, to push the envelope, to do something different and not always popular. I see it as my duty, therefore, to present to you and everyone else, something different. Something which may change your outlook on the world in some obscure way. Anything, as long as it is different.

     That is all for now, but the horror will progress very soon.


The Unfamous Eden H

The Unfamous Eden H

Hair, make-up and photography by Jenna Marie Hall for Fringe: The Cutting Edge of Hair Design (Magazine)