Eden H Reviews Spotify’s “Discover Weekly”

So, recently Spotify started doing “Discover Weekly,” wherein, each week, they create a playlist specially designed for you, based on your taste profile, what you listen to, you know, the like. Now, I am notoriously difficult to find new music for. I have broken many a well-meaning friend. But, being a devoted music lover (who has burnt herself out on everything she listens to), I opened my mind and gave it a go. Here’s a quick overview of what they had lined up for me:

MusicThatDoesntSuck

“Spellwork” by Austra – This was almost good, but was actually terrible. Taking influences from edgy, underground music and playing is to a dance beat is not a winning combination, people.

“Cool For Cats” by Squeeze – Spotify giving me Squeeze to listen to is just out of the fucking blue. Maybe they picked up that I love cats and thought I’d like the song on that principle? I don’t know.

“Mouth Breather” by The Jesus Lizard – Here’s how this song was written: “Brah, brah, listen to me shred, brah!” “Oh my god, brah! You’re shreddin’ it!” The end.

“Stars” by Hum – I appreciate your attempt to sound just like the Smashing Pumpkins, but it just didn’t work out, kids.

“Witch” by the bird and the bee – I understand, you’re going for that Goldfrapp/1930s Lounge Singer sound. OK. But these lyrics are TERRIBLE. Also, why does it seem like every time I click on a picture of an Alternative Music band, it’s one skinny dude with a bed head, and one skinny girl with Bettie Bangs? Maybe if you had more band members there would be more of a chance that one of them will stop you from sucking.

sad-hipster

“My Sister” by The Juliana Hatfield Three – I love my sister. I will not listen to your hate, Juliana.

“Promises” by Fugazi – This one makes sense. I like Fugazi in that way that someone who likes the Dead Kennedys, Minor Threat and Black Flag tends to like Fugazi.

“Under Your Skin” by Aesthetic Perfection – You know those friends who tell you, “Oh, you like this band? Then you should listen to this other band, they sound just like that band you like!” and they’re totally fucking wrong? Well, this is one of those. Someone, somewhere, equates this with Marilyn Manson, I’m sure. And they would be wrong.

“We Know Where You Sleep” by The Paper Chase – I don’t listen to rap. Unless someone hacked by account, I have never listened to rap on my Spotify. Why are you playing this for me, Spotify?

“I Luv the Valley of OH!” by Xiu Xiu – This is obviously Hipster music, but all the same, I’m very confused and have no clue if I like this or not. I’m a little bit scared and thinking about calling my friend for consolation now.

“Soma” by The Smashing Pumpkins – Everyone, including Spotify, is determined that I should listen to the Smashing Pumpkins. It’s officially a conspiracy.

“Icarus” by Jason Webley – Now, this one. I know why this one’s on here: It’s because I like Amanda Palmer and Amanda Palmer works with Jason Webley. Let me tell you a funny story about my first introduction to Jason Webley. In December 2010 or 2011, I went to see the Dresden Dolls. I knew nothing about who was opening for them, so when a random hipster got onstage and started testing the mic, I thought, “Okay, he’s a roadie.” So then this guy picks up a FUCKING ACCORDION and starts to sing, stomp, and play a sea shanty. And EVERYONE ELSE in the crowd KNOWS THE SONG and FUCKING SINGS ALONG. Somehow, I am the crazy person in this room for not knowing the words to this SEA SHANTY. A SEA SHANTY. I cannot stress that enough, A SEA SHANTY.

“Mental Hopscotch” by Missing Persons – So, according to Spotify, I either like super underground weird fucking shit, or the Most Mainstream Hits of the 80s?

“Halloween” by AFI – Look, I’m not a fan of The Misfits. But to allow AFI to cover one of their songs is just brutal.

“It’s Not” by Aimee Mann – Actually not bad. I’m guessing Spotify has picked up that I’m a Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan (Maybe my playlist called “The Bronze Jukebox” tipped them off? Hmm…). However, every song I’ve heard from her has followed the same pattern: 1) Just an acoustic guitar, solemnly strummed, with sorrowful, understated vocals singing about some love lost. 2) Sweeping strings join in. 3) The drums pick things up, and the song moves into a sort of depressed jaunt. 4) Aimee Mann says something soul-crushingly pessimistic and you go cry yourself to sleep.

“60 Feet Tall” by The Dead Weather – Okay, I like The Dead Weather. I can dig this…

“Mistaken for Strangers” by The National – This is one of those songs that is so middle-of-the-road, so bland, that it is impossible to have any feelings about it whatsoever. It is a void that sucks in all your humanity and turns you into a lifeless, soulless robot-creature. It is neither good nor bad, which somehow makes it a lot worse. I listened hard to try and make out any lyrics, because I knew they were singing words of some kind, but it is IMPOSSIBLE to pay attention to what they are saying. It’s a non-song. It’s evil. It must be stopped. No, but seriously. Have you ever heard a song like that? It may be on the radio, and you heard it and thought, “Okay,” or you heard it on your friend’s iPod, and you could ask your friend about it, and they can’t really tell you anything about it, because THEY ALSO have no feelings about the song, or you heard it in the background of a party scene on your favorite TV show, and you thought, “Is this anybody good?” because it sounds kinda like it could be a band you listen to, and the next day you’re talking about the show with your friend, and you ask them “Hey what was that song playing during the party scene? It sounded familiar, like maybe Pearl Jam or Alice in Chains or Mother Love Bone,” but the answer is NO. NO, it’s not even Stone Temple Pilots! It’s some band that has one song on the radio. They’re basically just filler material for when our collective consciousness that controls the world runs out of unique ideas for bands, so they gave us THE NATIONAL.

It's true.

It’s true.

So that’s about the sum of it. This week? Spotify’s “Discover Weekly” gets about a 2/10. Like, it wasn’t all bands that I hated. Then I would be sure that Spotify was just fucking with me. Maybe next week it’ll be more accurate.

If you guys like this little review, just thumbs-up it, or whatever system WordPress has, or leave a comment and let me know. I might start doing this monthly, if there’s interest.

That’s all for now. Until next time, lie, cheat, steal, and blame it on the talking moose.

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In Case You Forgot, Date Rape Isn’t a Good Thing (or, Miley Cyrus, Please Fuck Off and Disappear)

So it has unfortunately come to my attention that Miley Cyrus is being painted as the new Feminist Rock Starlet Icon. Because, apparently, humanity has the memory span of a gold fish. In case you are one of the many who apparently forgot, here is something she said onstage during a performance:

“You know, everyone’s a little bit gay,” she told the crowd. “It’s the truth. Everyone’s gay, all it takes is one cocktail. And if that doesn’t work, sprinkle something in their drink. That’s what I always do.” (Source: http://www.theguardian.com/music/2014/may/12/miley-cyrus-date-rape-gay )

Is this the most ass-backwards attempt to champion tolerance of gay culture, or what? You know, you’re ALSO a woman, so you should be a little more understanding and sympathetic towards a plight that countless women have suffered. Even if you WEREN’T a woman, that comment is cold-hearted, and promotes Rape Culture.
Oh yeah, Rape Culture: I forgot, it’s the in-thing this season. Which leads me to another point about this comment: It’s COOL to joke about rape. When and why did this happen? Fuck if I know. But a pop star like Cyrus making a comment like that is a sad and desperate attempt to 1)draw attention, 2)seem edgy, and 3)be part of the masses, who think it’s hip and funny to joke about rape. That’s called rape culture, kids, and I don’t think you would think it’s so fucking cool and funny if it happened to you.
The next point I need to make is the most difficult one, as many people have a hard time discerning the difference between these two: Sexual Liberation and Self-Exploitation. Yes, there’s a difference, and yes, one is good, and one is bad. When you are sexually liberated, it’s a good and beautiful thing. It’s POWERFUL. It gives you and millions of sexually oppressed individuals MORE POWER AND FREEDOM. Every time someone breaks the bonds of sexual oppression, you are encouraging others to say, “Fuck you, I’m not going to be ashamed of my body or my sexuality.” Tori Amos did this in many ways, by singing about masturbation, talking openly about her experience with rape, and the sexual way she moves at her piano. “Cherry Bomb” by the Runaways is often considered to be an anthem of female sexual liberation with its verse of “Down the street I’m the girl next door/I’m the fox you’ve been waiting for.” And you know what? They didn’t do that shit to be cool, either; in fact, women like this often received harsh criticism (see also: slut shaming) for making such bold statements of sexual freedom. This is what we need more of. I’m all for women being able to sing, write and talk about their pussies, their periods, or anything else the world tries to tell us is “taboo.”
Now that I’ve explained that to you, let me elucidate on Self-Exploitation. For those keeping track, this is the “bad” one I was speaking of earlier. Using Punk as an example, but without getting too deep into Punk Politics, let me give you some quick keys so we can discuss this: Once Punk is sold at your local Hot Topic, it is no longer truly Punk, because it no longer holds to the ideals that define Punk. Got that? OK, now let me say this: Sexual Liberation is like Punk, and Self-Exploitation is like Hot Topic. Still following? Good. Let’s continue.
MANY Pop Stars have gone onstage declaring themselves to be sexually liberated. Maybe they believe it, maybe they know it’s BS, but in reality, in the mainstream world of the Celebrity Star-Making Machine, their sexuality has actually been co-opted by the higher ups: Record Label Executives or Agents who told them “Maybe you’d sell more albums/get more movie roles if you sex it up a bit.” Guess what? Sex sells. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But the media KNOWS that it sells, and has been using this against the public for as far back as there’s been advertising. To sexually liberate yourself is an act that helps the greater good, but here’s the thing: Britney Spears (see also: Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry, Lady GaGa, Jessica/Ashley Simpson, etc, etc…) shaking her scantily clad ass into the camera just to sell you Pepsi is not done for the greater good. That’s not sexual liberation: That’s you selling your body and your sexuality to a corporation and letting them use it for their means. It doesn’t benefit you, your fans, or humanity: It only benefits the corporation who you brainwash people into buying products from. Actually, I forgot: It DOES land the “performer” a few million dollars, and I’m sure their Maserati was getting a little outdated…
My conclusion: Miley Cyrus is not a feminist. She is not a sexually liberated woman. She’s a corporate shill. As the media knows by now, sensationalism sells: If you don’t believe me, have a look at Lady GaGa or Nicki Minaj. Now do you see what I mean? So the corporations are more than THRILLED to have an ex-Disney Pusher acting so outrageously, because outrageous is going to sell more product. And too many people are more than thrilled to make the trade, selling themselves to corporations in exchange for fame and money (see also: attention-starved, narcissism, etc, etc, etc…). The fact that the Kardashians have their own show (and the existence of E! Television in general) is proof enough of this.
By the way, Kathleen Hanna: Fucking shame on you for allying yourself with Miley Cyrus. You’ve spent your life advocating feminism, and women working together for a common good, and Miley Cyrus has spent her (albiet shorter) life decimating these ideals. From joking about date rape, to shit-talking Sinead O’Connor for trying to give some kindly, empirical advice, Cyrus is nothing but a spoiled brat who wants to jump on every bandwagon that drives by, and expects to be treated like a goddess on each one. Kathleen, maybe before you ran to Cyrus’s side, you could have stood up for Sinead O’Connor. I would have respected that.